Goodbye Santa

I've successfully made it through all the holidays. I was very nervous about this Christmas. I was wondering how I was going to handle all the changes. I didn't want to have a lapse in my recovery. It was sad at times, but mostly because I remembered how rough this time of year was last year. It was a year ago today that Landon and I separated. It's so crazy how much has changed. I respect the relationship I'm in now so I keep my feelings and thoughts to a minimum, but the truth of the matter is that I do miss him, and that's okay. Saying that doesn't mean that I love my Christopher any less. It simply means that I miss him.

I have grown a lot this year. I have learned a lot about myself and the things I want for my life. I am still trying to figure a few things out, but I think that's how it will always be. The biggest thing that I have learned is that I am a good person. I do deserve to be happy. I've learned that I need to do what's right for me instead of always compromising my happiness for others. Obviously there is some levels of compromising for those you love, but not to the extent that I lose myself.

Chris has taught me a lot about myself without him even knowing he has. He allows me to be me in whatever aspect that may be. He loves me for me. The biggest thing that he has given me has been the hole he filled in my heart. I still have my moments of weakness, but he's always there to pick me up. He loves me so much that I can fill a sting right from his heart to mine. He still gives me butterflies when I see him. He still gives me the smirk that tells me he adores me. He makes me feel alive. It's scary and sometimes overwhelming, but I am learning that love is made to be endured not feared. I had someone tell me recently that when I decide to stop being so afraid of being in love everything will fall into place. And then we will live happily ever after. I'm getting there. I believe the best things in life are worth fighting for. It may seem contradictory considering my life over this year, but love is one of those things worth fighting for.

I had a great Christmas with my family, friends and Chris. We ate lots of good food, hung out with the people we love, and got spoiled rotten. Chris got me a lot of good stuff. He got me some sweaters, boots, leg warmers, perfume, lotion, slippers, a necklace, pearl earrings, a coat and some other fun small things. My Mom and Timmy got me a tall standing jewelry box. I have always wanted one. I love it! I got a triple slow cooker from my Daddio and Audrey. I'm so excited to use it in the new kitchen! :) They also got each of us a Forever Lazy. They are like snuggies, but they are full body pajamas. lol They are blue and so comfy! We look like huge nerds wearing them, but the most ridiculously good looking nerds you've ever seen. ;-) We wore them all weekend. haha Overall, Christmas was a success. I am so grateful for the people in my life. I love getting to spend time with them on the holidays. I hope you all had a great Christmas as well. <3

Much love,
Ash

Let the Holiday festivities begin!

We've got a busy weekend ahead of us. Well, earlier than this weekend because the crazy fun starts tonight! Tonight we're going to see the Bar J Wranglers. If you haven't heard of them or seen them yourself click on the link and check them out. I orginally saw them when I went to Jackson Hole, Wyoming with my grandparents. They travel the world now and do shows all over. They sing, dance, do comedy, stories, and yoddling! They are performing at Roy High tonight. We're going with a group of friends. I can't wait!

The festivities continue into the rest of the weekend. Friday I am going to a friend Christmas Party. We're all helping with a formal dinner and bringing white elephant gifts. We'll just be hanging out and eating all night. Saturday I have a family party on my mom's side. Sunday I have a family party with my step family on my mom's side.

This weekend will be filled with lots of food, friends, family and fun. I love the Holidays! May all of you travel in safety to your destinations and have a very......

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia

I worry about everything. I worry about small, medium and large things. I worry about what clothes I'm going to wear the next day, if people except me, if I'm every going to be a mother.......etc. I worry so much about things that I rarely embrace the full joy of my days like I should. The quote that I used to label this post sums it up.
Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy. ~Leo Buscaglia

It's a good reminder to let some of my worry go and enjoy today for what it is.

Music soothes my soul

Some of my favorites these days:

"Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last

"I'm Not Over You" by Gavin Degraw

"If You Ever Come Back" by The Script

"Coming Home" by Diddy - Dirty Money

"If We Ever Meet Again" by Timbaland

"Look Out Below" Holiday Parade

"My Beautiful Rescue" by This Providence

"Who Are You When I'm Not Looking" by Blake Shelton

"Are You Going To Kiss Me Or Not?" by Thompson Square

"Divide Me"  by Kalai

"For The First Time" by The Script

"Nothing" by The Script

Now share some of yours!!!

Ready to say goodbye to 2011

Holy hanna. Christmas is almost here. Where has the time gone??? It's been a crazy year. A big majority of this year will be nice to leave behind while I move into 2012. Even though the first half of 2011 wasn't very kind to me, it did start to look up and I think it's good for me to remember that fact. Here's a quick look back on 2011 for Ashley Remarkable.
-Sadness and heart break (lets skip over this because we all already know the story. If you are feeling left in the dark refer back to Bad juju out....Good juju in)

-Move number one to my bestie, Jackie's, house (I can't thank her and Chaz enough for all they did for me)

-Joined a flash mob group (So much fun! Met some great people)

-Car accident number one (Seriously!)

-More sadness and tough times

-Trip to New York to visit Auntie Moni and Uncle Jim (enjoyed some much needed R&R!)

-Sold Armada (car I wrecked) and refinanced my house to pull out my equity so I could finally get my own place and car.

-Move number two into my very own apartment (lots of tears and gratitude for all those who helped make this possible)

-Fun summer weekends with friends

-Met my sweet Christopher

-Car accident number two

-Bought my car (cried the whole way home)

-Hot days in my apartment with a non working swamp cooler (temps were up to 100 degrees!)

-Lots of cuddling and fun with Chris

-Got a little something for myself (boobies!)

-Long weeks of recovery from surgery (ouch!)

-Car accident number 3 (this time I wasn't in the car. Chris was driving my car and got hit)

-Park City shopping weekend with Chris

-Wendover with Daddio, Audrey and Chris

-Camping with mom, Tim, brothers, Chris, and family friends at Yuba

-Move number three to Seattle, Washington

-Crazy apartment searching resulting in residency in Greenlake

-On the downside.....two months without Chris :(

-On the bright side.....two months exploring a new state!

-Lots and lots of driving with the new job!

-Said goodbye to my Seattle adventure

-Move number four back to Utah (13 1/2 LONG hours by myself! Yuck.)

-Two weeks with no work

-Found a job (love it! Brookview Pain Management )

-Trip to LA for Chris's work (he got to bring me along)

-Lost a friend to a tragic car accident (RIP Abbi Jane Call <3)

-Halloween and Thanksgiving with family

-Black Friday shopping with my mom and Chris (yes, we are crazy)

-Preparation for move number five to the house Chris bought

Now we just wait for Christmas to come. It's going to be a different one this year. Some things are still really hard to face, but I have good things in my life to remind me I am blessed. :)

Much love and gratitude
Remarkable Me