Someday

I am old enough that some of my friends are having their third child. THIRD! Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for all of them being able to make beautiful families. But, I can't help but drown in a bit of self pity because, regardless of how high my desire to be a mother is, I don't have ANY children of my own. I know what most of your comments are going to be......It will happen when it's supposed to, you're still young, you will be a great mom when the time is right...etc. These comments I realize have a lot of truth to them, but it doesn't take away the hurt that I sometimes feel. I read my friends blogs and facebook posts and they are filled with love for their children and growing families. They are filled with a different kind of love than I have experienced in life. Don't misread this post. I love Christopher and I am happy with where we are at. I just saw things a little differently for me at this point in my life. I will be 27 years old this year. 27! Three years to 30! Outside of Utah, I am actually still really young and still considered too young for kids. Cultural expectations set aside, I would love nothing more than to be a mother someday. I would love to have him/her grow in my belly. I want to experience the love they immediately fill you with as you see that peanut size dot on the screen. I want to hold them in my arms and rock them to sleep. I want to whisper to them, as they are falling asleep, how grateful I am to have such a blessing in my life. I want to sing to them, even though I can't hold a tune for my life. I want to watch them grow into these little humans that will make mistakes and drive me crazy at times. I want my husband and I to share such a close love for making the most beautiful babies we've ever seen. Someday, I'd like someone to call me mom.